she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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