I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
