this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
