Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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