I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
