Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have post one night stand depression
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