Where is the hickey?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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