i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
