i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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