I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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