careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i've created a new STD.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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