When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
