Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
