Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
