just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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