Who did Billy Mays play for?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
