I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
