He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He better not be in your backpack
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
