I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
