I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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