Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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