Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize