Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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