come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
