the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
