wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
