Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
