i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
