i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
