Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
