i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
