I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i have two assholes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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