I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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