john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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