if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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