He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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