I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize