This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My vagina is officially offended.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
