First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
