A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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