There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
