Do you still have your period?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
