I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
