last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
