Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize