Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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