I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
