yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
