I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
