What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
