I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
