Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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