Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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