i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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