he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
