just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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