Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
