I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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