I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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