There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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